Beyond Red and Green Flags– The True Beauty of Relationships
He doesn’t text back within a minute, even after being online — Red Flag.
She skipped work just to meet me — Green Flag.
He brings me ice cream when I’m on my period — Green Flag.
She didn’t ask me to split the bill — Red Flag.
Relationships, with all their complexities and nuances, have been a subject of fascination for centuries. From romantic novels to heartfelt songs, we often seek guidance on what makes a relationship beautiful or successful. We look up to happy couples on Instagram, pin the “goals” on Pinterest, and continuously look out for signs that can tell us if the person we’re dating is actually — THE ONE or not.
Labeling a late reply as a red flag and getting a box of chocolates as a green one, I think we’re losing the very notion of Love in our attempt to simplify relationships.
The Red and Green Flag Phenomenon
Whenever we give our heart to someone, we risk getting hurt and experiencing the pain of loss.
And after experiencing the level of grief, the fortnight we spent with blurry eyesight and wet cheeks, we tend to be cautious. We don’t want another loved one turning their back on us, do we?
So, in my opinion, the theory of red and green flags is yet one of our hopeless attempts to keep ourselves safe.
He doesn’t text back within a minute, even after being online — Red Flag.
She skipped work just to meet me — Green Flag.
He brings me ice cream when I’m on my period — Green Flag.
She didn’t ask me to split the bill — Red Flag.
And the list goes on…
But we forget that human psychology is so complex that it’s really hard to label and fit them into boxes. Human relationships are complex, dynamic, and ever-evolving. People change, circumstances shift, and emotions fluctuate. And red and green flags fail to capture the multidimensionality of human connection, as they often focus on surface-level observations rather than understanding the underlying dynamics and growth potential.
Now, you might wonder, if you stop putting your partner’s habits in the boxes labeled red and green flag, how will you ever know if they are good for you or not?
Don’t worry; take a deep breath. Let’s break it down.
Communication and Understanding
One of the keys to a healthy and fulfilling relationship is effective communication.
We’re often too busy to either “right or left swipe” a person that we forget; a person can change. And most importantly, when in a healthy relationship, some adjustments must be made to make our partners feel loved and understood.
Instead of relying solely on flags, prioritizing open and honest communication allows partners to express their needs, concerns, and desires. Engaging in meaningful conversations can create a deeper understanding of each other’s perspectives, which goes beyond the limitations of flags.
So, talk it out. Let your partner know if you like being clicked on more often, let them know if you’re ready for them to post you on their Instagram feed, and if you like your cereal put before milk, and the list goes on.
Emotional Intelligence and Empathy
Emotional intelligence and empathy play vital roles in the beauty of a relationship. Understanding and empathizing with each other’s emotions, experiences, and vulnerabilities fosters a deep connection that transcends any superficial red or green flags.
Don’t fear if they’ll leave you when you’re vulnerable. Cry your heart out. Show them your scars; they might kiss your wounds instead of passing judgment. Emotional intelligence allows partners to navigate challenges together, building a resilient bond that stands the test of time.
Shared Values and Compatibility
While red and green flags attempt to assess compatibility, they often overlook the importance of shared values and core beliefs. True beauty lies in a relationship where partners align on fundamental aspects such as ethics, goals, and life philosophies.
I think habits can change, but core beliefs should be the ones we should pay more attention to. Do they respect people? Are they career-oriented? What are their individual and couple goals?
Building a strong foundation based on shared values enables partners to navigate challenges and find meaning in their connection beyond surface-level observations.
Love, Connection, and Intimacy
At the heart of any beautiful relationship lies love, connection, and intimacy. These elements cannot be easily defined or captured by red and green flags alone. Love blossoms in the moments of vulnerability, trust, and genuine connection between two individuals. It is in these intimate experiences that the true beauty of a relationship is discovered.
Because at the end of the day, we might not get an answer to why we love a person, but we just do. It’s a feeling. It’s their warmth. Our safety nets. So, for just this once, can we fall in love without measuring the ingredients like some blueberry cake recipe?
